Should two people try and work on their marriage if one person is a recovering alcoholic who abused the other.?

I have been married to an alcoholic man for four years and have experienced domestic violence as a result of his alcoholism. He is however currently in recovery and is sober and a much easier person to get along with now. Should he and I continue to work on our marriage or should we just let go and move on?Should two people try and work on their marriage if one person is a recovering alcoholic who abused the other.?
1) Do you want to work on it?


2) What requirements would you require of him if you were to work on it?


3) How reasonable are those requirements? Are they realistic and achievable?


4) are there children in your marriage?





I'd consider these and weigh them out.





I wish you well, but also, relapse is very much a part of recovery, know that as well.





As a victim of domestic violence, you have your own issues that may require therapy for you to resolve.





Nobody can tell you what *you* SHOULD do. So! I don't know that I've answered your question, but professionally speaking, generally, the decisions are yours to make, counselors and helps shouldn't tell you what to do, but help you explore your options and possibilities.





I'd point out he was probably an alcoholic when you married him....why did you marry him then? I think there's some work that needs to go on both sides here and it's going to take some time - even if you split up - I'd reccomend taking some time to sort things out because for some reason you put yourself in this situation, leaving him, I couldn't *guarantee* you won't do it again......it's time for some self reflection.





I wish you luck!











Should two people try and work on their marriage if one person is a recovering alcoholic who abused the other.?
Yes, you should work on it. There is no such thing as let it go and move on. You will always be affected by the relationship. You decided to be in a relationship with this man for life, so you should stick it out. You are doing a great job so far sticking it out. However, I would be some strict conditions on the relationship. No drinking and no hitting. If he does, you will put him out the house or you will leave, but you will not get divorced. You will separate until he gets it together.
I think it's up to the two of you to decide if the relationship you have with each other is worth it.





Do you still love each other?


Are you both fully committed to doing whatever is necessary to ';make it work';..?





If the answers to BOTH questions are yes, for BOTH of you, then by all means, stay together and work it out! Set goals, and limits for each of you- what is and isn't ok. Decide how each of you will help the other grow and improve.





If any of the answers are no, for either of you, I'd suggest marriage counseling to decide the next step, whether it's separation for a time, divorce, etc....





Either way, best of luck to you both.
It's entirely up to the people involved. If you stayed with him through him being an alcoholic, what would the reasoning be behind leaving when he's actually making an effort to be a better person? I couldn't stay with someone like this, but in the end, the decision is entirely yours of what level of risk you are willing to take in a relationship. Ask yourself if you're better off with him or without him.
That isn't something any of us can answer for you Ronda. In my opinion his abuse and your marital problems stem from his alcohol abuse. So if he sincerely gets a handle on that with all his heart %26amp; soul and determines to NEVER DRINK AGAIN then there is no reason to believe that your marriage and relationship can't be saved and that he can't redeem himself while remaining sober.





Of course we don't know how much emotional damage YOU have undergone. How much can or can't be fixed and healed, repaired within YOU. That has to be your call. If the abuse has been bad enough there might not be any fixing what he was screwed up these past 4 years. BUT if you still love each other and are BOTH equally willing to work at mending things, getting into counseling, going to AA meetings, Alon -on meetings and so forth - then I think keeping a GOOD MARRIAGE beats divorce any time.
I wouldn't give up right now if I were you. If you still love him after what he has put you through, give him a chance, and see how things go.





I do not suggest you go to Al-Anon unless you somehow feel it would be helpful to you to believe that you have an incurable disease that requires a spiritual solution. That's what they teach in AA, and that's also what they teach in Al-Anon.
You have to decide if you feel its worth staying and working it out. Do you love this man enough to try to work through this?? Do you want to stay?? Just know that once an abuser, always an abuser. I am sorry for all you suffered through...you deserve better and you aren't alone.
If he is in recovery.. I say give it a try... but that means that you also work a program of recovery- AL-ANON. Make a commitment to go to at least 10 meetings before you reject this advise.....


Love in recovery can be fantastic....









I believe in second chances. If he's trying to stay sober then yes you should work on it. But for me, he would have to attend meetings regularly, work the program, and constantly be in touch with his sponsor.
I think if you were going to leave him you would have done it when the abuse started. Kind of be dumb to leave now since he is getting better, don't you think?
If he is recovering for the benefit of the marriage work it out. If you stop caring now so will he and there goes his rehab.
we share similar traits. my reformed alcohalic wife has hurt me the worst she could have. if you love him, help help him he needs you. consider a religious support from church, temple, etc. good luck, God bless
Run ..