Sunday, January 17, 2010

Am I doing the right thing with my marriage?

I've been married for about 2 years. My wife and I have been together for about 7 years and she lived with me for 6 of them. She has done nothing wrong and it feels like I want something different. Should I work it out or just end it?Am I doing the right thing with my marriage?
You just need to talk to her about it, get out there and do something exciting together that you've never done! Take her on a trip! She's probably starting to feel a little stale too. If you guys love each other, please try to work through it. Do you know how she feels about all this? How is your communication? If that area is lacking, then every other area suffers. Maybe you should try couples counseling... that's kind of a catchall answer but it really has done a lot of people a lot of good, including me and my relationship.Am I doing the right thing with my marriage?
Do confuse disillusionment with your life with dissatisfaction with your wife and marriage.


Objectively, she is likely making things better and easier even if it's not the fantasy life you thought you would have.





For example, people often get pissed about an unequal distribution or perceived unfair distribution of household chores (I was certainly pissed a lot). But *objectively* my wife does chores around the house. If all she did was 1 thing, my life is easier. Without her I would have to do all of them.


Accept the status quo; then work together to make things better.





You can do different /with her/.





Read the book in the source; focus on improving yourself for a while. Start working out, it will improve your mood, your looks, and your confidence.


Carpe Diem.
My wife and I went through something very similar. You are not alone here. Marriage changes things. It doesn't seem like it should, but it does. When we get married we usually have this idea in our head about what it should be like or about. The strange thing is we never seem to put the person we are marrying into this equation. We have this mythical person in out head and then when you get married you are expecting you spouse to suddenly be this person or at least different then they are being.





This does not happen though. So now you are unhappy, but you don't know why. This is not their fault, but something you need to come to grips with. I believe the unhappiness will not be something you can fix better on your own. You may need some space, but not separated. I would suggest counseling first and honest frank discussing second. Although perhaps not in that order. Marriage does not just fall together. It is not all ';Happily Ever After';. You have to choose to make it work. Work on it together. I have the feeling she is worth it.
Hey, I just got back from the future! Talked with you and all that. Thought you'd like to know what you wanted to tell yourself.





Ready?





You said you still didn't know if ending it was the right thing. Still had big feelings for her. I want to see if your present self answers the same way as your future self.





Don't you have a problem with making big decisions overall? Six years living together? Couldn't decide on marriage earlier. Kind of just fell into marriage like flopping on an old couch.





There's no mystery here. Of course you run on your vague feelings of malaise. You don't have backbone. Don't get all huffy. Have a cookie and you'll be right as rain. Yes, you've got potential. You just don't want to be the man to use it.





Unless you do something to be the decider in your life, you're just another resident of Margaritaville. You've got plenty of company. Wife knew she was getting the kind of guy you are. Probably wouldn't be all shocked to hear you want to wander off. Might end up with a stronger guy (see the comment about Boomer).





What's it take to light you off? Wife attempts suicide to get your attention? You guys have to take in a brother's kid? You lose your job?





Do you see it's not the relationship? It's selfish creeping in, silently pushing passion aside. Selfish won't be happy with the next honey. Or the next. You've got to push back at selfish if you want to make strong decisions. Consciously push back. Marriages don't last because couples are perfect together. They last because they know the work to that goal is never quite over.





And don't let selfish push around what turned them on to each other.
cheaper to keep her ,i guess but look at it this way , do you really want to get with someone else ? headachs of another person/


just go get some strange just dont go making commentments with anyone go sow some seeds if you need to.


dont go wanting someone new for newness will be bad.


go out of town say your fishing and go have some freakn fun , or maybe send her out to have some fun or are you gonna get mad because she might like that?
You should communicate to her how you are feeling.


Where is all of this coming from? Have you fallen out of love with her? Did you meet someone? Do you imagine your life as a single man?


Make her privy to what's on your mind.


If you want to salvage the marriage you guys can always try couples counseling.


But you have to want to.


Good luck.
I assure that you will feel the same with the next one, and the next one... oh, and the next one! As Dr. Phil would tell you (I hate him by the way), which is more important? Your sexual desires? Or your family life?





Your sexual desires will remain as long as your thing is alive... once it's not as active, or you become old, you will regret ruining your life for temporary pleasures.
how can you work it out if there's nothing wrong? YOU'RE the one that needs work, not her. why don't you just tell her that you feel like being selfish and moving on? she'll be pissed, take all your money, and will reject you when you attempt to crawl back.





have fun!!
When you married her you made a life long committment to be there in good times and in bad. I don't think that you should leave your wife you should def stay with her and work it out especially because she has done nothing wrong.





I hope this helped.
Honestly i'm feeling that same way but all i know to do is just try and work it out if it doesn't work, i guess you can make a decision after that but seriously i would try to work it out, that's what im doing! NOT WORKING SO FAR!!
if not kids are in the middle do what you feel like its right, before you do something like cheating, but yeah if you feel like moving on, move on. If theres kids in the middle, WORK ON IT~
just end it.


and you'll spend the next 7 years on your knees, trying to get her back, while your woman is riding some dude named Boomer like a bronco.
No kids? Then end it. After all if you are ready for something new imagine her.





Get free. Give her freedom. Move on.





BC
If she wants out, let her go. Keeping her around will make you look really selfish.
Try to work it out....Boredom is not a reason for divorce. 鈾モ櫏

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