Is separation a good tool to work on marriage?

My husband and I have a lot of problems, I wanted therapy he blew me off, we fight like animals and i can't take it anymore. Does anyone feel that separation is a useful thing or is it giving up?Is separation a good tool to work on marriage?
Sasha, I feel sorry for what you're going through, and your question actually has different parts in its answer.


First off, with the fighting, maybe there would be benefits to living separately, maybe not (will in enrage him further?).


Therapy might be good, but you need to understand most men grow up in a model of men fix things. Suggesting therapy may make him feel inferior because he can't fix what's wrong.


Wanting to solve your issues is not giving up in any condition. Most important will be open, honest communication that may need a mediator, not a therapist telling each of you what you're doing wrong. That is all based on their opinion after all. If you know of another couple in your circle of family or confidential friends, it may be wise (with your husbands consent of course), to ask them to help you both through this difficult time. You might want to break the ice with him by going to watch Couples Retreat with Vince Vaughn. Good luck!Is separation a good tool to work on marriage?
Why did he blow off therapy? That is not a good sign.


Tell him it woul dmean a lot to you to get to the bottom of your problems. If he doesn't see anything as being wrong, that doesn't bode well for the future, if you do feel something is wrong.


Today is one month and one day of separation for me. So far, so good. I don't know what will happen from here but got tired of him always brushing me off.
seperate and see what will happen after
It just depends on what you do during the separation. I mean if you are in a violent and dangerous situation, yes separation is needed in order to be safe.





But how can you work on your marriage if you are separated. I never understood that. If he blew off therapy then it shows he's not willing to try and make the marriage work. If you both are fighting and aruging all the time it shows you can't talk to each other. So without counseling --- you are doomed to be unhappyily married.





So either you both are ready to make the marriage work or you both are going to throw in the towel. Separation probably won't work for you guys. it will just end up being an excuse to go be with other people while still being married quiet franky.





YOu have to get to the root of the problems in your marriage. Why do you fight? What is the real problem? Why are you both so darn angry and can't just talk to each other? There seems to be an underlying issue.





If he doesn't want to go to counseling. Try doing your own counseling sessions. There is a great book and workbook I recommend. It's Dr. Phil's book (and workbook) Relationship Rescue. 50% of the book first allows you to focus on YOU. If your hubby does it to then it takes you both all the way back to your childhood to dig up the issues within yoursel ffirst. Then about midway thorugh the book, Dr. Phil brings you both together an dthere are exercises you both do together to help you communicate. By the end of the book you've basically had a full counseling session.





But again -- hubby will need to be willing to participate. If he doesn't -- the next thing he would hear from me is divorce. i wouldn't play his games any more.
Like a hatchet.





If he won't do therapy, he doesn't want to be in it anymore. He's done.